the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
