I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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