I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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