Can Purell be used as lube?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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