Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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