I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
