Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
