you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
