After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
