I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
