barbara walters just said penis...
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
