Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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