3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
