They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
