I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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