I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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