this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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