She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
