he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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