ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize