There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize