I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You may now shotgun with the bride
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
