I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize