JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
