Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
