Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
