Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
