Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
