I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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