listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
third nipple confirmed
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
