Are we in a gay sports bar?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
