And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
