I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
