I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
