God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
