My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
