fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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