I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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