OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
