Define "chronic" masturbator.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
