I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
