my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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