you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
