Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Please, let me fuck your mom
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
