Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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