I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
