you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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