I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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