I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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