i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
