is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
