i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
