just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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