3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
