I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
