The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
