What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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