Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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