Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
