i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
