My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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