considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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