Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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