Too much gin, very little bucket
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
