I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
