So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Can you bring me the toilet please
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
