It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
