Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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