just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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