Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
