Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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