Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize