Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
