may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
