doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You may now shotgun with the bride
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
