I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
