you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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