you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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